If life has knocked you down and taken your confidence with it, take heart — support is already on the way. You are not alone, girl! Over time, even the strongest, most confident woman questions her worth.
While there are quiet forces in the world chipping away at your confidence, the empowering truth is that if you are reading this, you are in a position to rebuild, reclaim, and celebrate who you are — inside and out!
At Leap to Success, women have reclaimed their voices again and again — and you can, too! Today, our community is more than 4,000 women strong and rising.
Here are five spark stealers that gotta go, girl!
Constant Comparison: In a world of curated social media, measuring yourself against other women can quickly and quietly erode your sense of self-worth. Even though you may be making great strides in your life–personally and professionally–it’s easy to get tripped up when you stack yourself up against others who, on the surface, appear to have it all together.
Consider surrounding yourself with women who inspire and encourage you. It’s okay to admire and even emulate the success of others. Studying someone’s success can help to ignite your own, as long as it’s fuel, not a blueprint. For example, invite someone whose success you admire to lunch. Get to know them. Their stories can expand your sense of what’s possible and help you understand that what may have looked like an overnight success actually took years (maybe even decades) to achieve. The goal isn’t to create a carbon copy of someone else’s path; it is to illuminate your own.
Unrealistic Expectations: Everywhere you turn, there are online influencers and celebrities who are working (with teams and the right camera angles and filters) to promote an image that can, more often than not, appear impossible to achieve. Real-world women are finding it hard to live up to those standards, and it is creating a constant feeling of “not enough.” Not thin enough. Not successful enough. Not loved enough. Not pretty enough. That constant pressure to be everything to everybody is exhausting.
Consider turning your focus to the woman in the mirror–become your own biggest influencer! Develop your own standards for success, and have fun with it! Write your own narrative–set the tone for your story. Speak kindly to yourself; encouragement lands differently when it comes from within. And celebrate your wins! Not in a social media post where you are checking back for how many “likes” you received, but in a way that demonstrates to others that you are living your own best life–no matter what anyone else thinks. If you can do that, you will be the woman to follow.
Feeling Invisible: Confidence grows in environments where you feel encouraged, not dismissed. When you are putting in the time and energy, at home or at work, and your efforts continually go unseen–or when those around you minimize your value–it is impossible to know your own impact in the world. Without acknowledgement, it’s easy to feel invisible and undervalued. This can lead to self-doubt, burnout, and extreme exhaustion.
Consider sharing your accomplishments, not in a showy kind of way, but in a way that demonstrates delight in your work. If you are surrounded by people who love, inspire, and support you, they will rally behind you. If they don’t, it might be time to find a new circle. Find people who cheer for you and challenge you to be better! People who see (and celebrate) you doing your best in the small, everyday moments. More importantly, set boundaries for those who drain your energy and who simply won’t recognize what an incredible human being you are!
The Inner Critic: One of the most difficult undertakings on this list is quieting the worried narration that plays (and replays) in your head,distorting the truth and focusing on your flaws. This negative soundtrack is one of the biggest offenders of stealing courage, joy, and confidence. It can keep you from taking bold steps forward into the future. Your inner critic isn’t a villain. It’s simply an overworked, outdated narrator whose logic does not apply to you.
Consider retraining yourself to question the commentary. Ask yourself, “Is this fact or fear?” If it is fact, determine a solution and simply move on. But if it is fear speaking, tell your inner critic, “Cute story, but I’m going with confidence today!”
Changing your inner dialogue is like building muscle. The more you work at it, the more natural it becomes and, as a result, the less space there is for your inner critic to have a seat at the table of your life.
Holding on to Past Hurts: Old wounds can cast long shadows, causing you to shrink from new opportunities. Whether it was a toxic workplace, a painful breakup, a traumatic setback, a hurtful comment, or an abusive relationship, your past experience can shape how you see yourself for years to come, and it can negatively impact your future. Your brain clings to the painful memories as a warning, giving them more power than they deserve.
Consider reclaiming the parts of yourself that got buried underneath the pain by offering new (and improved) evidence, experiences, and stories about who you are today. Acknowledge what happened without letting it define you. It’s not about “getting over it,” it’s about becoming stronger, wiser, and more self-aligned than you’ve ever been. The good news is you get to decide how your story continues from here. You are the author of your life!
