By Kelley Grimes, M.S.W.
“If you want to do your best for future generations of humanity, for your friends and family, you must, begin by taking good care of yourself.” ~Tarthang Tulku Rinpoche
I led a professional development workshop called “Mindfulness and Self-Nurturing” recently at a local college with a wonderful mix of professionals, from professors to campus police.
All were interested in living more mindfully and learning how to cultivate more peace, joy and meaning in their lives. Many participants shared feeling stress, overwhelm and the impact of caring for everyone else in their lives but themselves.
As we explored ways to create peace in our lives, we talked about the importance of self-compassion. One male participant expressed deep understanding of compassion for others but had difficulty comprehending compassion for himself.
I shared that the act of compassion for yourself allows you to open to what you are feelings, affirm your experience and recognize that you are doing the best you can. That acknowledgement alone can be self-nurturing.
I believe that choosing to respond to yourself with compassion is a transformational act of acceptance and love. When you are able to accept yourself, challenges and all, you have the ability to live more honestly and authentically and with more peace.
I really appreciate this view of self-compassion from Robert Gonzales,
“Self-compassion is approaching ourselves, our inner experience with spaciousness, with the quality of allowing which has a quality of gentleness. Instead of our usual tendency to want to get over something, to fix it, to make it go away, the path of compassion is totally different. Compassion allows.”
Self-compassion allows us to treat ourselves like our own best friend and remain open hearted and kind to ourselves even when we make mistakes or disappoint ourselves.
If you are wondering how compassionate you are to yourself, think about a time in the last week that you made a mistake. What did you say to yourself as a result? Did you find yourself responding with understanding and compassion or did you criticize and judge yourself?
If you find it difficult to imagine being kind and compassionate to yourself try the following:
- Start by noticing when your inner critic is speaking.
- Ask yourself if what your critic is saying is valid
- Reframe the message to a kinder and more gentle message, like I am doing the best I can or, what can I learn from this situation?
- Make a commitment not to judge yourself when you notice yourself criticizing. Instead use it as another opportunity to be kind to yourself.
- Develop a mantra to support you throughout the day declaring your intention to be kind and compassionate toward yourself.
- Know you can always start over – breathe and start again!
Befriending yourself in this way will open you to the infinite possibilities of knowing yourself and being engaged in your life with a wide open heart! Cultivating compassion for yourself will infuse your self-nurturing practice with freshness and intention and create new patterns in your brain!
As Jack Kornfield reminds us,
“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.”
May you live with more peace by cultivating self-compassion and may you live authentically in truth and beauty through the practice of self-nurturing!
Peace, love and gratitude,
Kelley Grimes, M.S.W.
– See more at: http://www.intruthandbeauty.com/blog/creating-peace-self-compassion
