Becoming the Mom She Wished She Had
If you asked graduate Ashleigh, (not her real name)* what she’s most proud of, she would tell you it’s her role as a mom. “That’s the thing I do best, being a mom, and that’s what I care most about in the world,” she said. After experiencing a toxic childhood herself, she is passionate about giving her children the best childhood they can have. Today, she glows when speaking of raising her son and daughter, but the start of her journey as a mother was not an easy one.
Just prior to starting the leadership program with Leap to Success, Ashleigh was living in a shelter with her 3-year-old son. After being in a long-term relationship, growing accustomed to living in comfortable apartments, and holding a steady job, she had never imagined being in this position. However, she knew her situation with her then-husband which involved partying and drug use could never foster a healthy environment in which her son could grow up, and her husband wasn’t on the path towards changing his ways to be a better father.
In order to create the best life possible for her son, she left her husband to start on a new path which included a drug rehab program and new surroundings. While settling into the new space was difficult at first, within a few days she knew that she was where she needed to be. Sharing a bedroom with her son gave Ashleigh a sense of security knowing she was in a safe environment, and a “place where I knew I could take my son and have full control of our energy and our happiness”. She decorated the room and made it their own, and made a new start for herself and her son.
While at the shelter, Ashleigh was referred to Leap to Success. Walking into the class, Ashleigh felt a sense of shame.
She was at the lowest point in her life, and found it difficult to open up to others. “I didn’t really trust people. I didn’t really feel good about myself,” she said.
As the weeks progressed, she found herself opening up more. Hearing the stories of other women and their experience with abuse helped her realize that she wasn’t alone. She notes that the class helped keep her accountable for doing exercises and activities for self-growth that she would never do on her own.
Of the many things she learned in the class, she states that feeling confidence is the biggest takeaway from the program in her life. “I feel like that is the key to everything, having self-esteem,” she said. “It’s a building block, and then it’s just innate in you.”
The program can’t propel you into success overnight, but it was the starting point for getting her where she is today.
Ashleigh went on to get her Certified Nursing Assistant license, and used her new self-esteem to do her job as a nursing assistant incredibly well, which is evident by the many promotions she received during her time there. She has now gone on to work in retail launching new products and loves her job. In her personal life, she has remarried and now has a daughter, and has established a strong foundation with her son’s father that helps them co-parent successfully.
“We get complimented all the time by the school that we co-parent better than anyone they’ve seen,” she says.
While it took a lot of work for them to create the relationship they have today, her transformation propelled him to eventually change and become sober as well. “I didn’t ever know we’d be where we are today,” she states.
Now as a mother of two children, Ashleigh reflects on her own childhood. The patterns of domestic violence in her family and lack of support from her parents led her to a lot of the decisions that she made in her young adult life. She is now creating a different childhood for her children. She is involved in their lives every day and leads by example.
One of the most important traits she instills in her children is compassion, stating that she wants them to be generous with their hearts. As her children grow up, she wants to maintain a strong relationship with them and continue to be a part of their lives—unlike her relationship with her own parents.
“I want to be there for marriages, grandkids,” she says.
Every day that Ashleigh shows examples of leadership, compassion, and strength, she is breaking the toxic cycle that she grew up with. She is creating a new standard of supportive parenting for her own children.
The choice to leave her husband and start over with her young son was difficult, but thanks to the selfless strides that she made and the tools and skills she gained and fostered with Leap to Success, she is now creating an incredible life for her family. Ashleigh is being the mother that she never had, and she has every right to be proud of her transformation and role as an extraordinary mom.
*Ashleigh wanted her story shared but had concerns about using her real name so we changed it for this story.
